The older I get the more worried I am about what I say to people. Not because I feel I am going to have less friends, I already know about getting older and having less friends. I notice that people ask me how I am doing to see what exactly I am doing. Not because they really care. Most of the time, I don’t want to answer their nosey questions but don’t know how to say- you don’t care and I don’t want to tell- in a much gentle way. People tell me I have the “blunt” problem. Sometimes I just say things because it is the right thing to say; however, everyone else think it’s not. Or I ask questions out of curiosity not because I am mean.
For instance, one time at school there was a group of us holding hands and praying. One of the guys who was holding my hand had a sweaty hand. His hand was so filled of sweat that I really wondered why! Right after prayer I asked him, Why is your hand so sweaty? And everyone said “Lilly?!, oh she would be the one to ask that – out loud” And to this day I still want to know exactly why someone hand would sweat as much as his did. We were only praying.
So, to help this talking condition that I don’t like I begin praying on it. Which is working because I am not even talking to my friends as much neither do I feel the need to. I still consider us close; however, I don’t have that much to say. I hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship, which I don’t think it will. I have been through a lot to know when to bring things to God. I know that friends can not help me with half of the things I talk to them about. Even when I do vent to them. They can only give me their opinions in certain situations; however, I am grateful for them.
On the other hand, it’s not really a talking condition or problem that I am trying to control. It is life. It is lessons. No matter what happens there will always be a moment where I may slip and need perfection. This is that moment.
I also find myself dropping people off my friends list because they are not positive or people who I can grow around. And this leads to me not talking as much about things I used to talk about.
You grow and learn to cope with it, what ever it is.
Too soon old, Too late Smart ‘The Statute of limitations has expired for all Childhood Traumas” Quincy Jones 