The older I get the more worried I am about what I say to people. Not because I feel I am going to have less friends, I already know about getting older and having less friends. I notice that people ask me how I am doing to see what exactly I am doing. Not because they really care. Most of the time, I don’t want to answer their nosey questions but don’t know how to say- you don’t care and I don’t want to tell- in a much gentle way. People tell me I have the “blunt” problem. Sometimes I just say things because it is the right thing to say; however, everyone else think it’s not. Or I ask questions out of curiosity not because I am mean.
For instance, one time at school there was a group of us holding hands and praying. One of the guys who was holding my hand had a sweaty hand. His hand was so filled of sweat that I really wondered why! Right after prayer I asked him, Why is your hand so sweaty? And everyone said “Lilly?!, oh she would be the one to ask that – out loud” And to this day I still want to know exactly why someone hand would sweat as much as his did. We were only praying.
So, to help this talking condition that I don’t like I begin praying on it. Which is working because I am not even talking to my friends as much neither do I feel the need to. I still consider us close; however, I don’t have that much to say. I hope this doesn’t hurt our friendship, which I don’t think it will. I have been through a lot to know when to bring things to God. I know that friends can not help me with half of the things I talk to them about. Even when I do vent to them. They can only give me their opinions in certain situations; however, I am grateful for them.
On the other hand, it’s not really a talking condition or problem that I am trying to control. It is life. It is lessons. No matter what happens there will always be a moment where I may slip and need perfection. This is that moment.
I also find myself dropping people off my friends list because they are not positive or people who I can grow around. And this leads to me not talking as much about things I used to talk about.
You grow and learn to cope with it, what ever it is.