These Nails

These Nails

103 Things YOU can not do with these nails

  1. pick your nose
  2. type a 500 page paper after procrastinating
  3. pick up dropped coins
  4. text 40 wpm
  5. put a key in a key hole
  6. braid the hair of Willow Smith into tiny box braids
  7. tickle a baby
  8. hold a baby’s hand
  9. wave good-bye to a baby without making it cry
  10. wash your hands really quick
  11. brush your teeth in a hurry
  12. scratch under your arm without worry
  13. raise your hands in church without distracting the entire congregation including the pastor
  14. pick up one sheet of  loose-left paper
  15. pick up your metro card that fell on the floor of the bus while it was moving
  16. peel a banana neatly
  17. play a piano
  18. hold drum sticks correctly
  19. pick flowers
  20. clap your hands normally
  21. write with a fat pencil
  22. button your shirt
  23. tie a shoe lace
  24. teach a child how to tie a shoe lace
  25. unbraid many box braids
  26. convince someone that you are not ghetto
  27. go to  St. Jean Baptiste High School
  28. Paint
  29. shake hands with an Indonesian Communications Minister
  30. Take a bath
  31. clean yourself
  32. win the heart of a minister
  33. teach fifth graders
  34. be a role model to fifth graders
  35. cut an apple
  36. dice an apple
  37. hold the train door open for your slow friend who is running up the stairs
  38. ride a bike
  39. read braille
  40. put a hearing aid in your ear
  41. help Jesus drag the cross
  42. peel an orange
  43. carry a watermelon in your hands out of the supermarket to your car
  44. play the guitar
  45. put keys into your car ignition
  46. take cold out of your eyes
  47. play basketball against middle school children and win
  48. take a fallen straw out of a soda bottle
  49. pick up crumbs
  50. sew a dress
  51. sew a button back onto a jacket
  52. pick up lent off a white rug
  53. tell people to stop looking at you
  54. tell people to stop looking at your hands
  55. tell people to stop staring at you
  56. play a tambourine
  57. playfully smack your friend on the back
  58. hold the pole on a crowed train and expect someone not to touch a nail
  59. pick up a new-born baby really fast
  60. put a winter hat on a new-born baby
  61. hold your boyfriend hand without him getting irritated
  62. drop your body on your bed without any worries
  63. convince someone that you won’t use your nails as a weapon
  64. thread a needle
  65. put a curtain on a rod
  66. neatly fold washed clothes in10 minuets
  67. hurriedly look for your size on the clothing  rack at Macy’s
  68. catch an escaped chicken
  69. playfully run after a child and catch the child
  70. hide your nails from those who make you feel ashamed
  71. carry around a boom-box
  72. take fingerprints and not annoy the person who is fingerprinting you
  73. do push ups without nails getting in the way
  74. eat without worrying if your nails are clean afterward
  75. clean the elderly
  76. work in a hospital
  77. work in a clinic
  78. be a waitress
  79. steer a boat
  80. take a quick picture of a shooting star
  81. go through one day without thinking about your nails once
  82. be a computer technician
  83. juggle without poking a bystander in the eye
  84. play the flute
  85. buckle your shoes
  86. unbuckle your shoes
  87. buckle your watch
  88. unbuckle your watch
  89. pick up a Michael Jackson disk that fell on concrete
  90. be taken seriously
  91. knit a sweater
  92. sit on your hands which are cold from the outside
  93. make a snowball
  94. throw a snowball properly
  95. build a sand castle
  96. help a fireman water down your house that is on fire
  97. unreel film
  98. reel film in the darkroom
  99. hang film in the dryer
  100. be a housewife
  101. put on thin nylon stockings without creating a run
  102. Take an eye lash out of your eye
  103. wear closed gloves

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