So I entered the book store. I came looking for anything. I figure I will enter just because it was at the end of this hill. For a Saturday night the place was pretty crowed. I walked around for sometime just browsing, read some children literature and other encouraging stories written by Christian authors. I came upon a book titled Create in Me a Pure Heart: Answers for Struggling Women written by Steve and Kathy Gallagher. This book I thought was speaking to me. It cleared up many questions I had for myself; it containes answers to questions I am to shy to ask I thought. Soon I realise that I and the book-keeper were the only two in the store. He seemed to be full of joy. He was singing out loud to the Christian music that was playing. My first intention was to leave but I decided I might as well look at the Bibles. Not that I really needed another one. The Bible stand was in front of his work area. I walked over there nonchalantly.
I am so tired of working and this is a job I was hoping to get. My head literally hurts when I walk. Yet, instead of going to sleep I am up trying to tell someone else about my day. Which was okay. My body is just not coping with the fast change in my life. For some reason? I think my body got used to me sleeping late and working with the children. It doesn’t know why I dress up often and am very serious more than not. It is also trying hard to remember all the new names and faces. Plus I’m tired of men asking nosy questions like “where I’m from” or “what’s my religion”. I’m most certainly not used to men working up the courage to sit with me at lunch. UGGGGGH! Why does growing up have to be so difficult? I like to sit alone and eat not meet and eat. It just makes things annoying. Especially when your food is not an easy food to eat and be neat. I can say more but I promise my body I would pray about it instead of complaining about it.
When you are ignored for no other reason other than for being a certain shade is hurtful. Either you can ignore that which is hurting you or you can try to change to fit in a little bit more. Maybe change your style of hair or dress. Maybe change your attitude towards people of your own kind or your attitude towards yourself. However way you try to assimilate, you will still be you.
When you are ignored for no other reason than than for being a certain shade is hurtful. Either you can have pity on yourself or be grateful for life itself. You can seek and find communities which are created for people your shade but does that even help? In that community you are bound to see someone your shade imitating those who hurt you. How does that make you feel?
When walking down the streets of NYC and looking at all the stores I saw one popular manikin type: the white one.
Then I saw Sean John’s manikin’s and thought, its only the beginning. It’s been the beginning for a long time.
This week Photographer is Robert Frank. I borrowed his book, Paris, from the library and I think the photos are kind of dead. Not the quality. I like his work and the patterns and style of his work is great. I am also not talking about the lack of color. The subjects are just dead. And it flows though out the book. He took a few shots of a funeral which suggests death but even those that suggest love seem dry. The first word that came to me after looking at all his photographs was mort which means “death” in French. And the funny thing is I did not even know he was living in Paris before he moved to New York or that he had tight connections with the French besides the pictures were taken in France. I think in Spanish and France on some occasions. And on this occasion I actually thought in French.
My favorite photo from Paris is a picture of a baby sitting up smiling in a big -old timely stroller and behind the stroller is an old auto-mobile. It looks like Frank was trying to say the baby was driving the stroller (the parent was missing) just like the gentleman is driving his car. It suggest a little bit of humor which is why I like it.
In the back of Paris is a little interview between Frank and Ute Eskildsen. I like a few things Frank said:
I was very aware that things don’t last if you’re not at the top. That was very clear. But I also knew that here (in America) you had the possibility of doing your own work.
…there’s the ambition to overcome everything and get rid of the old. That’s the voyage through America.
I enjoyed my time with the children today. It’s almost the holidays so they are extra lazy. I spent a greater part of my day with them playing connect 4 and doing math problems. Mel-Mel was extremely happy that he “beat” me in connect 4. However, I wanted to defeat Sophie. She had a special little trick which I think I know now…
I received my Ebony Magazine in the mail and I think it’s a great issue so far. The articles/ interviews on Maya Angelo and Rev. Al Sharpton are thoughtful and put together well. I didn’t know she was married to a Greek guy!? Thus her name is really Angelopulous. What a name. I am excited about that because my first name, Lystria, originated from the Greeks. Speaking of the Greeks, Sophia was telling me that Greek Mythology and the Civil War are two of her favorite subjects besides Math. I think the children at the library are so smart and willing to learn. (Even though they could be lazy at times). I like Angelo’s book list. I’ll let you buy the magazine for that one or go to ebonyjet.com.
Lastly, one thing I like that Rev. Al Sharpton said is: You’ve got to have a strong self-definition and you can’t seek others’ approval or others’ acceptance. You’ve got to first accept yourself. Once you define who you are and what your contribution is going to be and you are at peace with that, then you can deal with all the other sources…
I’ll end on that note.
I’ve learned that one have to let go of ones self to really let God surprise you! This is easier said then done. It’s so easy today to say : Let Go and Let God. But did you really think about these words?
Letting God may mean embarrassment to yourself. The human mind can not understand the concept of just total release. Things may seem a little weird. Letting God take control of the situation.
The next part that seems hard to one is to GIVE THANKS in the hard time. This is really hard! But it’s not impossible.
Church was great today and my day was great. God is Good and totally Real.